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“Honey, why do you keep looking down at the tracks?”

“Tommy said there are monsters under the subway. That they are deep down, in secret tunnels.”

“Oh, Tommy said? I’m going to have a talk with his mother… Honey, I assure you, there are no monsters under the subway.”

“But Tommy said—”

No monsters under the subway. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am.”

*            *            *

Meanwhile, in a secret tunnel under the subway, Rockjaw walked with his brother Kegswill. Well, not so much walked as bobbed beside him.

Most two-headed ogres shared some degree of control over their body. But the gods had not been kind to Rockjaw. Kegswill had control over everything below Rockjaw’s neck. He was little more than a second head. A fact his brother seemed to relish in.

Kegswill was going on about something or other. Probably about the pink-skins. Rockjaw wasn’t paying attention. His brother never shut up. Now was as good a time as any to cut him off.

Rockjaw sighed. “Why’re we goin to Edna’s, again?”

“Like I told ya before, she made rat-tail pie,” his brother replied. “What’s got ya in such a huff?”

“Rat-tail pie…” he harrumphed. “I’d rather have a nice juicy pink-skin.”

“How many times do I have to tell ya? Pink-skins ain’t healthy. They eat too much processed food,” Kegswill replied.

Rockjaw wasn’t in the mood to visit the bag lady. She was the only pink-skin he wasn’t tempted to bite the head off of. But he could only handle so much interaction in one day, and his brother was more than enough. “I’ve a headache.”

“You’ve always got a headache,” Kegswill replied.

“I haven’t got any other parts, rot-brain.”

“Yer lookin at this all wrong. You’ve got the only part that matters.” Kegswill unleashed a festering, toothy grin. “Me.”

His brother’s breath stank. Horribly. That was the one good thing he had going for him. It made his blather somewhat more tolerable. Still, Rockjaw wished Kegswill would find a nice, quiet place to sit, so he could stare at the wall.

He never understood Kegswill’s need for social interaction. Particularly how he would take them to the tracks and peer up at the pink-skins from the shadows. What was the point of staring at food if you weren’t going to eat it? They annoyed him, with their perfect faces, and cute little voices. But their stringy, gooey bits... they were just so scrumptious.

The closer they got to Edna’s hole in the wall, the more irritated Rockjaw became. She would flirt with him, and touch his brother’s leg. True, her eye-patch and rancid stench were alluring. But she just didn’t get it, being a head was no fun. “Stop, brother. I don’t wanna go.”

“Quit yer whining. Yer too bottled up. A little feminine attention is just what ya need.” Kegswill didn’t even slow down.

Rockjaw held his breath.

“Cut it out!” Kegswill kept walking. “C’mon! I’m gettin light headed!”  His steps were getting slower, less sure. But they were nearly there. The stained sheet was just ahead. It curtained the opening in the tunnel that served as Edna’s front door.

Rockjaw continued holding his breath. A fat hand reeled back and cuffed him sharply over the head. He gasped, and they both caught their breath.

“I told ya to sto—”

Rockjaw head-butted his brother in the jaw. That would teach him.

“I’m just tryin to help, ya ingrate!” Kegswill yelped.

But Rockjaw wasn’t listening. Instead he was focused on trying to bite the rest of his brother’s ear off.

A barrage of slaps and pokes assaulted his face, probing in and out of every orifice. The pair of them stumbled back through the curtain, dragging it down with them.

“Surprise!” A chorus of voices bombarded Rockjaw’s ears. A host of make-up covered vampires, toilet-paper-wrapped mummies, scantily clad witches, and slutty nurses began singing happy birthday.

Rockjaw looked around, dumbstruck, as his brother picked them up and dusted them off.

Kegswill rubbed the side of his head. “Surprise, Rocko.”

“Edna did this? But how?” he asked over the a cappella.

“Not Edna. I told ya you never pay attention to what I say,” Kegswill replied.

“You… how? But it’s not even my birthday for another two weeks.”

“Quit yer gripin. Throwin it on Halloween was the only way to get the pink-skins to party with us without causin pandemonium.”

Of course, his brother was right. Except that Rockjaw didn’t want to party. He didn’t share his brother’s fascination for peeping on pink-skins. Seeing them on Edna’s old rabbit-eared TV was all the watching he needed. But munching on their hamstrings, however, he found exceedingly interesting.

He knew Kegswill wouldn’t approve.  Still, their smell was intoxicating. It was like putting a starving man in front of a buffet. Couldn’t he just eat one or two?

A werewolf DJ in the back fired up the turn tables and starting spinning Thriller. Two Smurfs, a Queen Elizabeth, and all four Ninja Turtles proceeded to organize and sway into the undead dance number. A zombie Michael Jackson in a red leather outfit was stealing the show with foot glides.

“Not bad, eh rock-head?” Kegswill asked, a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Let’s go mingle.” His brother jerked his head to the rhythm and waded into the mass of costumed pink-skins.

Rockjaw frowned. The loud music was already starting to bother him. At least he couldn’t feel all the sweaty bodies rubbing up against them. That much was a comfort. Revolting little things, pink-skins.

A skanky nun in fishnet stockings missing two-thirds of her habit approached them. “Nice costume, birthday boy,” she said to Kegswill.

“Oh, it’s not my birthday, it’s his,” Kegswill replied, inclining his head toward Rockjaw.

The skanky nun smiled. “Cute.” She turned to Rockjaw, playing along. “What are you drinking, handsome?”

She was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen. If he had knees they would have gone weak. All she needed was a cherry on top. Rockjaw shot his brother a weary glance.

But Kegswill only winked at him.  “He’ll have a six-pack of Keystone! Load up the beer bong! Beer bong… beer bong…” The crowd was already chanting along with him and filling the funnel head. “I’ll hold yer craggy skull if I must, Rocko!”

Rockjaw scowled, fighting off his brother’s prying hands. It was no use. The tube was forced into his mouth, and before he knew it the valve was open. Three painful swallows later it was done. The air vibrated as Rockjaw bellowed out a rippling belch.

The crowd roared their approval. “Six more!” someone yelled from across the room. Edna. That bitch. He put up less of a fight the second time. And less still the third. Before he knew it he was a 30-pack deep, his head buzzing pleasantly. So much for his headache.

“Don’t worry, Rocko, I’ll do the pukin for ya later,” Kegswill reassured him.

But Rockjaw was preoccupied with the skanky nun. She wasn’t so god-awful beautiful after a few dozen beers. He thought he might actually like to keep talking to her. It didn’t help that she was curling her finger around his chin. He could just imagine crunching on it.

His face felt funny.

He blinked. Next thing he knew he was coming up from a bucket of water with two apples in his mouth. He blinked again and was directing his blindfolded brother to swing a bat at a bloated jack-o’-lantern piņata. They almost took out a Dalai Lama and two Captain Jack Sparrows before showering candy corn across the room.

His vision blurred. When it swayed back into focus they were having a pissing contest over the edge of a building. Rockjaw didn’t question it. He just focused on the steaming golden stream. Not that he could influence it any, but Kegswill needed all the help he could get. Sponge Bob was winning by a good three feet, and Yoda was a close second.

The world spun and Kegswill pointed his nose over the ledge. “I got it… Bluuuurghhhhh!” He expelled about a hundred thousand gallons of scorching hot vomit. Then he wiped his mouth and glanced at Rockjaw. “That better?”

Rockjaw must have nodded, because they were up and moving again.

He didn’t know where they were going, but the sun was coming back up over the city. The skanky nun was under their arm and helping them onto a bench. As soon as his head settled, the bench lurched beneath them. Bleary eyed, Rockjaw looked around. They were sitting in a subway car.

“Don’t worry, birthday boy, I’ll get you back home,” the skanky nun said, smirking.

Kegswill was cradling his head in both hands. It would seem he was partied out. Rockjaw leaned back against the subway window and closed his eyes. His brother had been right. It was good for him to get out and be social. Last night had been one hell of a wild time. But now he was ready to sleep. About a week should do it.

At the next stop the doors opened. More people got on. Apparently a drunken ogre was nothing out of the ordinary in Manhattan the day after Halloween. Because no one said anything. No one except some kid.

“See mom! Tommy was right! Look!” came a small voice.

“That’s just a fancy costume. Monsters aren’t real, honey.”

Rockjaw stirred at that. Slowly opening his eyes, he peered across at the excited boy. The kid shifted nervously in his seat. Rockjaw winked at him, and then caught himself smiling.

The boy smiled back.

Now, if he could only find a way over to him...
This is a piece I wrote for the Halloween Prompt Comp:…

It includes elements from the prompts: "The Bitching Hour", "The Lurkers", and maybe even "Halloween Party From Hell" (assuming Rockjaw's perspective, haha)

Word Count: 1604

Come check out my website and vote for what I'll write about next!
Add a Comment:
graffilthy Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013
Great short story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. As usual, kids are more perceptive than adults. Thankfully. If those people knew they were amongst monsters that would have caused quite a stir, and a good meal for the night. The unsuspecting nun is a nice touch. e Also, the pissing contest was interesting. Didn't anyone notice something a little off with the body part?
TheJDWiley Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed that one. It was fun to write. I considered making a joke about that, but decided to keep it less raunchy. (though not by much) So in the final version, I figured all the pissers were too drunk to notice anything but their own streams. =P (Razz) 
dagoth-jeff Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice one, you gave these guys some great character. That nun definitely made me wish I was there...
TheJDWiley Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ha, thanks. (dat nun!) It didn't come out quite as I thought it would. Sometimes ideas exceed ability, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's hard not to love a nun in fishnets! 
dagoth-jeff Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nope nope, in fact I have a whole folder for nuns in my Favorites.
TheJDWiley Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm now on my way to peruse your favorites.
Add a Comment:

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Submitted on
October 5, 2013
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